Definition of Home

Back in the Cleve. Thanksgiving happened. First birthday party happened. Another tearful goodbye with the boyfriend happened. WW 3 almost breaking out in my house happened.

The Bears lost which sucked. Detroit wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I simply inserted myself back into my siblings' daily lives, hearing what I've missed the last couple of weeks. Don't even wanna go to stuff with my parents.

Cleveland has turned into home though. In Cleveland, there's a humidifer and window that opens in my room. I even like the firmness of the dorm mattress better than the fluffy sinking mattress in Chicago. I don't like my indepence being trampled on. In Cleveland, it's not. In Cleveland, I get work done. All my clothes are in Cleveland. The only thing missing are the sibs and the boyfriend.

It's strange how we define home. For some, it depends on who lives near you or with you. Sometimes it's something familiar about the direction you walk to work, or the people that make your coffee everyday and have memorized your order. For me, I think it's who I am in various places that I stay in. I like the person who I am much more when I'm at school. It feels right. Of course I miss people from 'homeland', let's call it. But I miss the version of me that I've come to understand and enjoy more. Is Cleveland where this version of me is? Is it CIM? Is it simply not that home in Chicago?

I've seen various articles about how people need to move at least 4 times in their life, because if they stay in one place for too long, they settle for who they are in that certain place. In order to grow as a person, you need to change your environment. In Cleveland I am one person, then in Chicago I resort back to a different kind of person that is becoming more a stranger to me as time goes by. I don't plan on living in Cleveland forever. I don't know if I'll ever come back. I don't know if I'll go back to Chicago later on in life either. There are so many factors that will determine where I go next. But I've already realized that my definition of home has changed, for the first time in my life.

Is this what it feels like to grow up? I'll be two decades old next week. Weird...

Until next time,
sopranodivaEm

Travel bug

I know I've posted about my obsession for traveling already before, but too bad. The online itinerary sites and apps that claim to be "easier" are the exact opposite right now, I need to remind myself more than you out there.

Some people find the task of packing absolutely boring and impossible. I am not one of those people. I have a track record of packing for any type of trip, despite the length or destination, in ten minutes. Always, and forever. Makes those last minute weekend spur of the moment things super easy. 

The rush of the airport is fascinating too. Everyone has their heads buried in their electronic devices, or dictionaries, depending on the continent. There's a good chance you'll over hear a combination of languages despite where you end up. Each traveler has a story and a plan of action to bring to life once their plane lands. It may be to finish this deal and bring home nice sized Christmas bonuses. It may be to relax. It may be to learn something. 

I don't really have a plan of anything once my plane lands this time. I know who I'm going to see, I have a pretty good idea of what I'll do. It's the first time I've been home since leaving for school in August, and this is the longest I've been from home in well, ever. Except it doesn't feel that way. It seems like I just left. It seems like this semester just started even though it's almost over. I feel like there's so much more to accomplish in 2014. And there is. But I can't do anything overly dramatic over thanksgiving break. It's not short enough to pack everything into 3 days and 2 nights. And it's not long enough to have a long short term goal. So I guess it just is. 

That's so me. Always wanting something big and exciting to happen any time I change the scenery around me. There are other times like that coming, but this isn't one of them. Is that why maybe I'm not quite as jittery as I normally am on travel day eve? 

Will I ever learn to relax and let things come as they may?

Nope. Because I'm me. 

Tune into my live Twitter feed from people watching tomorrow afternoon. 

Until next time,

sopranodivaEm 

Sigh of relief

It's 11:32am, and I've already survived most of what I've been stressing about this week. 

I think I did well on my dictation test. I've been working really hard the last couple of weeks, starting my brain work at 8am with review sessions every day, as well as drilling chords on my own. I feel good about the effort I've put in. I hope it's enough. 

Everyone has that one language that is just harder than the rest. For me, this is German. No matter how many times I drill the vocab there's always a few words I can't seem to remember. Grammar has always been the easier sider of learning a language, but the teachers here don't explain what the big grammatical words mean, so there are some holes that I wish would be filled. Duolingo is a great app to help with that. 

This history test actually speaks to me. Mention anything about opera and it all just sticks. Thanks Monteverdi. The only thing left is to kill this final project which of course I've centered around opera. After a meeting with my TA I'm giving myself a well deserved nap, score study and slowly reviewing for what's coming on Monday. Weekends can be productive and relaxing if you do it right. 

Until next time,

sopranodivaEm 

Things I should be doing right now instead of blogging

The end of the semester is upon us and it seems practically impossible to focus. 

I should be:

finishing my music history journals

Studying my German vocab

Reviewing notes in my music

Practicing intervals for ear training

Sleeping

Staying away from social media

.... I think that's it.

At least tomorrow is Friday. There's time for everything on Fridays. A nap, laundry, practicing, studying, having a social life, cooking healthy food, working out. I plan on accomplishing all things things by the time I go to bed tomorrow, as well as

Final dictation test

German vocab quiz

Meeting with my history TA about my final project

Not dying. 

Think this crazy tense fachless soprano can do it all? She's not so sure herself.

I think it's human though, to self doubt.

We can't be amazing ALL the time. It's simply exhausting. I know you other amazing people out there know what I mean. 

At the same time, self doubt is a motivator for me. Proving myself wrong. That I'm stronger than I know. That things really aren't as stressful and horrible as they seem right now.... Right?

Gotta get back to it. 

Until next time, 

sopranodivaEm 

Thank you for holding

Well I'm back.
Sorry about the delay.
Life happens, ya know?
And has it ever for me.
Update as follows:
First role, check.
Happy relationship, check.
New friends, check.
Frozen from the cold already, check.
Ready for this semester to be over, check.
Enough credits to be considered a junior next semester...... Check.

Already moving onto audition #2 for potential role #2. I'm already a different than recently seen as Oberto in Alcina. Yup, things do move fast around here.
Some friends at home have mentioned to be that they have been missing my posts. But have you guys tried this yourself?! It's hard to keep on homework and boyfriend and singing AND blog.
Honestly though I've missed it too. It's a great way to let out the extra stress and anxiousness that I manage to collect every day. I've been putting my stress and anxiety on other people assuming they are willing to listen, and that's not fair. I never mean to make anyone stressed or anxious or nervous or self conscious just because I am. I'm extremely extroverted, as anyone who's ever met me knows. I process everything, literally everything, out loud, out in the open. If I keep even the smallest piece of information about anything to myself, I'm bound to explode eventually. Not to say that I can't keep a secret, don't worry.
So I don't really need anyone to read these posts. This is just for me. That's something I've learned this year. I can't please everyone, I can't help everyone, I can't put anyone's best interests before mine, although I may want to. Maybe this sounds selfish? But let's be real: no one should be given the expectation that they have to take care of others until they can take care of themselves first. It's only healthy. Do what you love, and do it only to please yourself and not others.
If I have readers, cool. You all will learn more about me as I learn more about me. And if I don't, that's okay too.
Until next time. (And there will be one).
sopranodivaEm