I never look back

Think back to your first day of kindergarten. Were you excited? Scared? Think about going to that first day of kindergarten. Did you walk or drive? Did you walk with your mom or dad, or run ahead of them? Think about walking into school for the first time. Did you cry and hold onto your parent's leg for dear life and scream bloody murder? Did you even turn around and wave? 

My turn to answer all these questions. I was ecstatic to go to school. I would ask every 20 minutes if it was time to leave yet. I went to the afternoon kindergarten class. I walked to school since it was only two blocks away from home. My mom made my dad video tape the whole thing since she had to work and miss taking me to school on my first day. She was the one who cried. I walked ahead of my dad, at quite a fast pace. I'm not positive that I said goodbye to my dad as I walked into school all by myself, ready to be on my own and learn. I never turned around. 

I've lived my whole life this way. I've never turned around. First day of middle school, high school, college. All the same. I never looked back. I never wanted to. As I think about it now, I had to force myself to not turn around because if I had, I would have never been able to move forward in life. Even when I get up in the morning, I never turn and look back at my pillow and blankets that most likely look way more inviting than the 8:30am class that I have. If I did, I wouldn't go to class. I would cave and go back to bed. If I had turned around on that first day of kindergarten, I would have run back to my dad, attach myself to his leg, scream bloody murder and refuse to walk on to the next part of my life. 

It's not like I consciously am thinking all this through every time I am faced with the next part of life. It didn't really occur to me that this happens until recently. I consider this a blessing. Subconsciously, I refuse to give up and not grow. I am always ready to learn more and become better at life, better at being me, becoming the best version of me possible. 

I invite everyone to try it. Don't turn around, because only the past is behind you. Nothing about what's already happened is going to change. The only thing you have control over is what you do next. I consider this skill a super power. And it feels awesome. 

I have the Itch to Travel Again

This is actually driving me crazy. I want to hop on a plane and go to 2 major places. New York City, my favorite place in the US. And Paris. I've been to France, but not the capital. Here are reasons why.

NYC:
The Met. Duh. Renee Fleming. Of course. Major opera hub. Want to go to grad school there. Want to live there. The city offers opprotunity for so many types of people. I've been in love with the city ever since I went with my grandparents when I was in 5th grade. It was right after 9/11. The remains of the Twin Towers were still there, fenced off, with a single wooden cross right in the middle of it. At that time, it was the only part of the city that was completely silent. Now there's a museum and monument and the beginnings of construction for the new buildings. I was never scared or thought about getting on a plane to go to New York at that time. Probably because I was still too young to understand. My youngest sister is the same age now that I was for that first trip. There's still too many things she can't grasp. So even from the very beginning I was distracted by the feeling of excitement about going somewhere new. The airport experience is actually one I really enjoy. Sure, security is a pain in the ass. But it's fasinating to think about so many people coming and going from so many different places. And a plane full of people coming and going from the same place as you, but for a different reason than your own. The feeling and vibe of New York is chaotic. I've always thrived in chaos. One of my favorite places to study is a busy Starbucks. Having chaos around me helps me focus on my own thoughts and chaotic mind. It feels good to know that there are crazier people and thoughts than me. So basically, look out Julliard. I'm coming for you.

Paris:
I took French last year and finished over the summer. It's required for my major at CIM, along with taking Italian and German before I graduate. (I'm gonna take Russian too, just for kicks). I'm pretty decent at picking up languages. I think the French language is beautiful. It feels so good on my lips, I know it sounds weird. But spoken or sung, it's so elegant. Watching old movies in Paris always pull me toward it. I don't know, it feels like this city is calling me. I really want to study abroad my junior year for a semester, and study at the Paris Conservatory. I don't think you can fully know a langauage and sing it well until you have imersed yourself into a country where everyone speaks that language. I have every intention of studying in Italy and Austria to take care of those other major languages. (Austria will be summer 2016 and hopefully Italy will be 2018). I just have to talk through with my teacher about how to go about getting to Paris. I am going to a summer program in Napa Valley, CA and we are doing a production of the Tales of Hoffman. Now I'm not ready for any major part in that opera, but it is in French and it will be a great place to practice. I've sung a few art songs in French in high school, but my French was absolutely sucky back then. But I'm at the place now where I want to do something, and now I'm gonna chase after it until I get it. I'm a completely determined person, don't cha know.

Until next time,
sopranodivaEm

Almost to the end

Auditions tomorrow. Project due tomorrow. 2 finals left to study for and complete. That's it. This is another semester in the books. Another full semester in the books even. 

I think a year is too long to analyze how much you've changed. A semester is just the right about of time. About three months is plenty for a person to struggle and change and discover another part of themselves. I know I have. This semester has held a lot of firsts for me. Of course learning a role was a big part of that. It's the first time I've been away from home for more than a handful of weeks. This was three months. Juggling stress of homework and a full time rehearsal schedule is tough, but also so rewarding. I've come to attack a pile of work with this mindset, "If I can survive x, I know I can do this." And then I do it. The world doesn't end like I think it will sometimes. No one is failing at life. I haven't lost the parts of me that I've discovered. I still have my same long term goals, although I may change the steps I take to get there along the way. College is just gonna be like life, except hopefully once I'm out of college I'll be getting paid more than I am paying other people for things. Of course it won't be like that right away, it never is. But to live happily and comfortably is what everyone wants, even if they may not come right out and say it. 

That's it, that's the answer to all the worlds problems. Everyone just wants to be happy, but other people have to go in and get in the way. For all sorts of stupid reasons. If we could just allow everyone to be happy, this world would be a very different place. Some food for thought there, huh?

Until next time, 

sopranodivaEm